Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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