I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
