sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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