he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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