just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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