me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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