I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
