I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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