the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
that may or may not have been my penis.
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