don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
