i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
