I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
