Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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