I murdered the dance floor call the cops
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
