Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
