OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
