Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
