Please, let me fuck your mom
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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