What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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