its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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