I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
