It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
