I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
