mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
