just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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