That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
