Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
