dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
