Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Randomize
