I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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