dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Randomize
