I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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