i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
