Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
