Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
