she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
