Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
