He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
