My hand turned me down
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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