worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i now understand why vodka
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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