so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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