Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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