he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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