Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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