ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
