I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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