just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
