well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
