How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
