New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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