another moral hangover. fuck.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
