Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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