once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
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Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
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and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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