yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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