We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
