I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just found a bag of teeth...
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I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
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How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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