it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
