Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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