I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
