I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
if only i could text you this smell
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize