Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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