dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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