alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize