But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
