One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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