He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize